Monthly Archives: November 2009

The Birth of the Beans

I had big plans to write the full birth story of the Beans but then thought why?  No one cares about my story, every birth story is hard, painful, exhausting and completed with a sweet reward – or two in my case.

I’ll do the abridged version ~ I was induced on March 10 at 8pm (after waiting around for 6 hours to start the damn induction, I could have been eating that entire time, getting my toes painted, getting a massage or any other thing more enjoyable than laying on a hospital bed for no good reason).  My birth plan was simple, two healthy children and a vaginal birth.  After 23 hours I stopped dilating at 9cm, the babes started to show some signs of distress and the doctor felt it was now time to get the babies out.  I dreaded the thought of a c-section, how was I going to look after the Beans while recovering from major surgery?  My nice doctor gave me some words to cheer me up (or so she thought) – don’t worry about the c-section, in the end you’ll have a beautiful vagina!  Who says things like that?

Baby A was born at 8:22 pm weighing in at 6 lbs 11.5 ozs, a boy with huge blue eyes and chubby cheeks we named Sebastian, Baby B followed a minute later weighing a petite 5 lbs 3 ozs, sweet Sofie, what she lacked in size she made up for in volume and energy!

I think back to that day and am so happy that my story turned out okay, not everyone’s does.  While I was in labour complaining about being tired, exhausted, hungry, thirsty and just fed up with the whole induction process someone else’s world was shattering.

A woman came to the hospital in labour, she had no prenatal care (why, I’ll never know), as the doctors starting checking her they realized that there were actually two babies and one of them was in distress.  She was rushed to surgery and ended up losing one of her babies – that day was most likely the happiest and saddest day of her life.  My husband could hear her family yelling at her, wanting to know why she didn’t see a doctor through the whole pregnancy, blaming her for the death of one of her babies and telling her she would have to live with what she had done (yes we can all pass judgment but I’ve decided not to, she’ll be judging herself for the rest of her life).

When I think about the birth of the Beans I keep thinking my birth plan was thrown out of the window, I had a c-section I didn’t want, it was a long drawn out labour BUT I had two healthy babies – she didn’t and for that I am so thankful I am crying just writing this.  My heart goes out to that woman and I’ve hugged my babies even harder tonight.

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Breaking all the rules

As many of you know when you become pregnant you are inundated with information, from books to friends & family to strangers ~ all of them telling you the proper way to raise your children, all of them giving their advice on food, sleep, bath, play etc. etc. etc.

I certainly asked for my fair share of advice once I found out I was having twins.  My main question – how the hell was I going to survive raising twins?  Because seriously I have heard the horror stories of women trying to survive raising one baby how would I do it with two.  Would every hard thing be doubled because there were two babies?  Would I get any sleep at all?

One bit of advice I did receive and I actually listened to was from my sister – she has 3 kids, all of whom I love to death and absolutely adore the Beans.  As you can see here:

Story time

Constructing a toy for the Beans

Her sage advice – “Do whatever works for you and whatever gets the babies to sleep, which means you get sleep.  Ignore whatever everyone and every book is telling you.”

She was right.

The rules I have broken are as follows:

  • No bumper pads in the crib – that worked for about 4.5 months when I could no longer handle my little girl crying every time she bashed her head against the crib.  This girl has been crawling since 4 months and while sleeping she seems to be auditioning for Cirque du Soleil
  • No sleeping in the family bed ~ this works now but in the beginning and after many many nights of no sleep it was about survival, occasionally the Beans would be sleeping on our chests in bed just so that we could get a couple hours of much-needed sleep.
  • No solid food until 6 months – that was fine until about 5 months when I could no longer keep up with their demand for food – they happily gobbled up their Rice Cereal
  • The argument about nipple confusion – breastfeeding twins, that’s all I have to say about the introduction of a bottle of formula or pumped breast milk pretty early (yes some are able to exclusively breastfeed twins but I was not)
  • Pacifiers – I have a love/hate relationship with them.   I hate when they wake up looking for them and are crying until I give it back to them but also loved the fact that when they were both really upset at the same time and since I only have two arms it sometimes gave them a few minutes of comfort while I figured out what the hell was wrong with their sibling
  • Never wake a sleeping baby – in theory wonderful, in practice (well my practice that is) if I wanted to get any sleep then the babes were put on a schedule and if one woke up in the middle of the night to eat, the other was put to the boob as well, this went on for about 4 months when my girl just wanted to sleep so then it became whoever woke up to eat, ate.

I’m sure I have broken many more rules than I can remember but everything that I have done that goes against what I’m “supposed” to do was about survival ~ I’m sure it was a better idea to actually survive the experience of newborn twins with some semblance of calm than to be a raging sleep deprived lunatic.  You know the saying “A Happy Wife = a Happy Life” – I’m sure a happy mom = happy kids is also true.

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Orgasmic

Why is it that men do not understand the unbelievable feeling of someone else washing their hair.  I personally would sit in that chair all damn day if someone was going to wash my hair – god what a feeling.

My hair is just one of many things on my body that have been neglected since the Beans were born – until last night that was – oh it feels so good, the hair that is, well the hair washing was awesome as well.

The magic worker (aka hair stylist) and I were talking about what we women have to go through and what we have to give up and what we have to change once kids come in the picture.  Why is that?  Why are we expected to change and adapt while the fathers are not?  Is it that we feel we have to?  Are we guilted into not keeping that little bit of ourselves sacred, untouched, unaltered for the good of our children?  And I’m not just talking about working or not working because any option is a job (stay at home or work out of home or work in home etc.).

I know for me I have to find that little bit of myself again, I have to bring it out of storage, dust it off, repair it, put it back together and start using it again.

How did my talk of orgasmic hair washing get to finding my “me”?  I’m not sure but I think getting my hair done got me thinking about all the things I have put off and all the things I need to do.  For starters as Justin Timberlake sings – “I’m bringing sexy back”.

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Thanks Wee Rascals & Durham Region Baby

I’m an avid reader of blogs, especially ones in my area.  I have read Durham Region Baby for years and love the product reviews and giveaways that Carly does from time to time.  I happened to win one of these giveaways and it couldn’t have been something more useful.  Wee Rascals was started by another twin mom (how she found the time while on maternity leave I’ll never know) but I won a sleep sack.  Now I certainly couldn’t decide who should win the sleep sack so of course I had to order another so that the Beans would each have one.  As you can see they are the cutest flippin things ever and they work.  The Beans are nice and warm in their cribs now thanks to Wee Rascals.  Go check her stuff out ~ www.weerascals.ca and if you haven’t stopped by Durham Region Baby yet I’m not sure what you have been doing – she’s a must read www.durhamregionbaby.com

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Lucky

Today marks 10 years – 10 years that I have been with T.  We’ve been married for 5 of those years and I know I haven’t told him enough how much I love, cherish & adore him.  I haven’t told him how lucky I am to have him.

The last 8 months have been difficult, especially for me and I’m not just referring to raising twins mostly by myself.  The last 8 months have been hard for me to find a rhythm, to find the happy place, to find the new me that I’m happy with.  Because of that T has had to deal with me, I’ve been distant, emotional, bitchy, unhappy and of course exhausted.

I’m lucky because he still loves me in spite of all that ~ he still finds me sexy with my jelly belly, stretch marks, unkept hair & yoga pant wardrobe (don’t get me wrong he’d really like it if I got dressed up and did my hair once in while).

I’m lucky because he tried to help me find the new rhythm, to help me find the new me, to be happy with myself and is always giving words of praise & encouragement.

I’m getting there ~ I still have my moments, I sometimes want to get in the car, blare music, drive fast and not have a care in the world and never come back (well maybe for a day or two).

I know I sometimes resent that he gets to continue to have his “normal” life – work, drinks/dinner with friends etc. but I also know that my resentment isn’t fair.  I’m my own worst enemy, I know all I have to do is organize my “me” time and T will take care of whatever needs to be taken care of – another reason I’m lucky.

So on a day that marks 10 years together T, I want to say thank you and I love you.  I don’t tell you enough and I certainly don’t show you enough, without you I wouldn’t be who I am, I wouldn’t be a mom to two healthy gorgeous Pinto Beans – we make a great team.

Here’s to another 10 years!

10 Years Ago Today

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S~E~X

I’m sure I’m not the only one who has a husband that thinks sex is the answer to everything but T comes up with some great reasons to have sex.  Headache, backache, sore arm, toothache, cold, tired etc. really any reason is a good reason to have sex.  I guess he feels he’s the magic elixir to cure all of my aches, pains and problems. 

Since the Beans were born our sex life has been almost non-existent.  In the beginning I would just look at him like he had grown two heads, If I or we had a spare hour, 30 minutes or hell even enough time for a quickie, sex was the last thing on my mind.  I was more interested in sleep or a shower to clean off the vomit, drool and shit that had accumulated on my body since my last shower. 

Now, I’m just terrified of having another child or two for that matter because if I ovulated twice and ended up with twins once who’s to say I wouldn’t ovulate twice again!  I would promptly be checking into a psych ward if I was to become pregnant again.  I ABSOLUTELY 100% DO NOT WANT ANYMORE CHILDREN!  The Pill is out as I get migraines from it, condoms are disgusting and we all know how well the rhythm method or the old “pull-out” method works ~ so we’re left with my hubby getting the old snip snip or abstinence as the only sure-fire ways not to get pregnant again.  T doesn’t want to get a vasectomy yet, he would like more kids and feels that we should wait a respectable 2 years before making that decision – I’ve already made that decision.  What do we do?

I carried twins to 39 weeks & 2 days with a heart condition, gave birth to 2 healthy children had a breeze of a pregnancy (I wasn’t even put on bed rest), why take that chance, we have the “million dollar family” – why tempt fate?

In reality I don’t think I would mentally survive anymore kids – this is all my weary brain and body can handle.  Besides when you wake up to these two in the morning your life is already complete, there is no need for an encore.

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The beginning

I always knew I wanted kids but also knew I wasn’t the “mommy” type.  What I mean is that I loved my no responsibility life, loved not having to be anywhere at a specific time (besides work that is) and loved going out to dinner, parties, movies etc.  That all changed July 17, I was supposed to go to one of my company parties – a baseball game filled with laughs and drinks.  I ended up cancelling because I didn’t feel well.  By the next morning I had taken 3 pregnancy tests all coming up with the same response – PREGNANT!

  The Tests

T and I weren’t trying to have kids nor were we really trying to prevent having kids, we had been married almost 5 years and figured whatever happens, happens!  Well something happened alright, after an awful ultrasound experience we found out that not only was I pregnant but I was 7 weeks pregnant with twins.  Holy shit, after the technician said those words “there’s one baby and there’s the second baby” I cried hysterically and my husband laughed.  I was shooting daggers at him with my eyes wondering why the hell are you laughing at a time like this, his response “What else am I supposed to do?”  You see T was ready to have kids for a while, it was me that was delaying it, I just wasn’t ready yet, not mentally anyway.  Mother nature had another plan for me, she pushed me in with both feet whether I was ready or not. 

My husband was laughing and I was crying – we were quite the couple but we were the couple that was now expecting “Pinto Beans”.

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