Monthly Archives: January 2010


I’ve interviewed nannies for the Beans but still don’t know how I’m supposed to know if it’s the right fit.  My plan is to have the short list come over when the Beans are awake to play and then see the Beans reaction to them and how they interact with the Beans.  I know this isn’t scientific as of course the nanny will be on their best behaviour while in my presence.  Is it right to always be this cynical?

Any help out there?  Give me some good questions to ask, cuz all I have right now are gut feelings.  Is that enough?



Filed under Family

What does love mean?

T and I were talking last night about the meaning of love (I know a very deep conversation, especially at 11pm when all I wanted to do was try to sleep).  He wondered what it meant, does it mean the same thing now as it did when we first said it.  Are we saying it because we have to or should say it or are we meaning it, really truly meaning it when we say it.

I know I love T differently than I did when I first said it so many moons ago.  I know I say I love you in the morning when he leaves for work, love you when we go to bed at night, love you when we end phone conversations.  Yes, some of those “I love you” are routine, things we say.  I also know that I love T more now since the Beans were born but I also miss the love we had before the Beans were here.

Like everything in life our marriage has the ups and downs, the highs and lows, the lulls.  Right now we are in a lower lull, the exhaustion and life have taken their toll on us, especially me.  I’m just hoping the lull doesn’t last much longer.  I want some highs back.

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Filed under Family, Me, Sex, T, who am I

Remembering when

I met a really nice mom of twins last night when she came to my house to buy some things that the twins had outgrown.  She had given birth to boy/girl twins last week.  I was giving her any advice I could to help her survive the first 3 months with 2 babies at home.  In my advice giving I starting remembering…

I remembered falling asleep tandem breastfeeding in the middle of the night, waking up with my arms numb and not remembering even putting the Beans on the pillow to feed.  I remembered on those difficult days when the Beans couldn’t be consoled that I had to go outside for 5 minutes, sit on my deck and regroup.  I remembered not accepting the help that was offered to me.  I remembered not going out enough with T when the Beans were so portable and easy.  I remembered the fights that T and I had, especially the first few months, oh those fights were bad, the worst of my marriage ~ but more about that another day.

I remembered the resentment I felt toward my husband – he got to leave everyday, go out for drinks/dinner with friends, have a “normal” life.  The resentment was almost the breaking point of my marriage.

My biggest piece of advice is that you’re not alone, I think many mothers think that whatever they are going through they are alone in it.  No one truly understands what you are going through, no one thinks of you anymore, you’re just a wife and a mother – no longer you.  We are never alone in anything we do, we just have to let others in, accept the help being offered, ask for help when we need it, cry when we need to, scream when we have to and breathe. 

I wish someone had told me that 10 months ago.


Filed under Family, Fights, Mayhem, Me, T, who am I

Counting down

Does anyone else count the minutes until their spouse comes home.  Watching the clock like an addict waiting for their next hit.  I know I do, especially on those hard days.  Those days when the Beans are both miserable, haven’t slept well and just will not leave me alone.  And you know what happens, hubby calls home to say he’s running late, something came up at work.

Why?  Why can’t the opposite happen?  Hubby calls to say he’s coming home earlier?

Bed time can’t come soon enough on those days.

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Filed under Mayhem

The screaming will never end

The Beans have been very vocal for a long time, babbling away, blowing raspberries and laughing.  All things I love to hear.  But they scream, REALLY LOUD.  It’s enough to cause hearing damage.  They think it’s hilarious, screaming at each other then laughing.  Thank god I haven’t had a hangover since they started doing this – I wouldn’t survive.

Sofie is the one who taught Sebastian this neat trick, she’s the instigator in their dynamic duo.  See here where she’s telling Sebastian what the plan is for the day.

We are in for a world of trouble if this continues.

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Filed under Beanism, Mayhem

10 months

Yesterday my sweet Beans you turned 10 months.  I am amazed everyday by what you can do.  You melt my heart when you crawl to me and give me your great big hugs and slobbery kisses.  When I come into your room in the morning and you give me your biggest smiles because you are happy to see me, that moment takes my breath away.

Sebastian you are my cuddle bug, gentle and loving. 

Sofie you are my independent firecracker. 

You chase each other around the island in the kitchen and squeal with laughter, it’s one of the cutest things I get to experience everyday.

We have moved houses together, travelled to Bahamas, enjoyed the cottage, the farm and everywhere in between.  You have made your Daddy’s and my life complete, thank you.

There were many hard days in the past 10 months, many days I didn’t think I would survive but now realize how quickly the past 10 months have gone by.  Slow down my Beans, I don’t want to miss a thing.

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Filed under Beanism, Family

MMMM, we love blueberries

I have never seen them go as crazy for anything as this.  They were mouth wide open for two servings and grabbing the bowl for more. 

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Filed under Food