The last few days have been weird for me. I’ve been watching the Beans grow ever more independent. They walk the length of full rooms now without stumbling and falling, they walk toward one another and laugh and give each other hugs. The Beans want to feed themselves now, try to take their diapers off themselves, and sit and flip through books by themselves (when they aren’t trying to eat the books that is). The Beans are becoming people, they are leaving the baby stage and entering into the toddler stage. When they are talking I sit and wonder what they are saying, I wonder am I teaching them enough, am I giving them the right tools to grow into amazing little people, are the building blocks of their personalities I’m helping to shape going to flourish and grow in a way that will help them in the future.
Do I love them enough, do I nurture them enough, have I given them enough one-on-one love and attention? Did I ignore one in order to give the other something they needed? How can anyone else be good enough to look after them if I question my own abilities. I’ve never been a worrier and feeling this sense of worry is bothering me. I’m second guessing what I’ve done up to now, have I already failed? Have I messed something up that can’t be repaired?
If I have messed up my sweet Beans I apologize, Mommy’s new at all of this, I’ll get better at it with time.