Guilty Feelings

I’ve been chatting with an old friend on Facebook lately, we found each other again on the interwebs and found out we both have twins.  I’ll call her J, J has a little girl as well, to say she is busy is an understatement.  Our twins are only 2 weeks apart in age, so we’re going through many of the same things together.

We’ve been talking about the feelings of guilt we have.  J needs to have her “me” back, so do I, but we both feel that we can’t say that out loud.  People will think, say or believe that we are bad mom’s.  Why is that as a society, us women and mother’s are sometimes the biggest bitches to each other.  Why do we not support each other the way that we should?  If J and I need to have our alone time, why are we looked down upon for having this desire to be “ourselves” again, even for a few minutes a day.  Would it not make us better mother’s?  The same goes with successful women in the workplace, the higher up the corporate ladder you go, the bitchier other women think you are.  Should we not applaud someone for their accomplishments, whatever they may be?

I don’t resent having the Beans, I don’t wish I only had one of them and I certainly don’t want to go back to a life without them.  What I do want is a few minutes or hours of being me.  Being a mother has brought me a great sense of accomplishment if you will, it has also brought me exhaustion, frustration, pain, happiness and worry.  I never thought I would have to hide the feelings I have, I’ve never been a shy person, I’ve usually spoken my mind about many things and didn’t give a toss about what people thought of me.  But being judged as a mother is something completely different.  It starts out small, you put a blanket in your baby’s crib when it’s a no-no, bumber pads, bottles to bed, letting them cry, not letting them cry, pacifiers, formula instead of breast milk, the list is endless of the things we are judged on.  This isn’t a competition, mother’s aren’t looking for medals, and we aren’t looking to “Own the Podium”.  We’re just trying to raise our children the best way that we can, the best way that we know how and hope that we don’t make too many mistakes along the way.  I feel that as long as my kids are loved, nurtured and treated with respect, the rest will come. 

I will not apologize to anyone for anything I have done in the past 11 months.  If you don’t agree with something I have done I don’t really care.  You haven’t walked in my shoes.  J has and she understands.  Thanks J, thanks for listening!


1 Comment

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One response to “Guilty Feelings

  1. Barbara

    This is so true, Denise. And you certainly are not alone. At least it sounds like there are three of us. B.

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