Finding Me

This has been a big topic in our house in the last few months.  The topic of finding “me” again.  I never would have believed that having two kids could make me feel so out of sorts.  Stupidly, I thought I would have the babies, stay home for a year and go back to work and everything would be fine.  I’d have my work life and my home life and I’d be as happy as a pig in shit.  Well let me tell you, I’m an idiot because that isn’t what’s happening in my life.

There’s this nagging little voice in my head telling me that this can’t be it.  I can’t just be a mom and a wife with a job.  I need something more.  The problem though is that I don’t know what that “something” is.  I started this blog in hopes of getting a ton of shit out of my head, the problem though is that I still haven’t written about the tough stuff.  I haven’t talked about being unhappy, unsexy, unfulfilled and just riddled with angst about who the hell I am.  I’m 34 years old, I would have thought I would know who I am by now and what I need to feel happy, but I don’t and it’s so frustrating you can’t believe.  My frustration with myself leaks into the rest of my life. 

I’m starting another project in June which I think might help, it involves using a creative side of myself that typically I ignore as I’m just not crafty and I think this might help.  BUT, what if it doesn’t?  What do I do then?  How do you do it?  How do you make sure you are fulfilled as a person and not just defined by the titles people give you (wife, mother, sister, daughter).

I don’t want this to sound all whiny, I’m not ungrateful for what I have.  I have an awesome husband who is so supportive I’m not sure where he finds the patience for me sometimes.  I’m lucky to have two amazing little kids that amaze me everyday.  But I need more and need help finding that “more”.  Can you help?

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3 Comments

Filed under Family, Fights, Mayhem, Me, The Abyss, who am I

3 responses to “Finding Me

  1. I think it’s not so much about what you have, or what you’re doing, but rather how you feel about it all.

    If you don’t feel fulfilled, I don’t think it’s a matter of adding or taking something away from your life. That type of thirst is never ending.

    It may sound cliche, but I think the adage of finding peace and happiness with what you do have, no matter what it is, is key.

    There are a number of exercises or things you could do to get to that state.

    Best wishes!!!

    • Pinto Bean Mom

      I understand what you are saying, sometimes hard to shut the brain off from wondering what else and just enjoy the present. Like the old saying goes, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

  2. I was also thinking you might be feeling this way cause you’ve exhausted your resources. You’ve done so much in the last year and now are going back to work on top of it! I bet you’ll feel better once you’ve had some time to neutralize the stress, if that makes sense.

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