I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the support that us mothers give each other. I’m tempted to call it “Mothers Anonymous” because sometimes we have to talk to someone about something we don’t feel we can air in public. The issues of resentment, frustration, reaching the edge of patience or just plain exhaustion. We need someone to talk to that does not judge us as mothers or people. We need a little safe haven where we can stand up and say “My name is Denise, and I am a mother” and have everyone understand the good and bad that comes with that.
I’ve had conversations with friends where we have confided in each other in whispers. We’re afraid of someone’s reaction to our true feelings. Someone said that her baby was in such a rotten mood one day while in the car that my friend said oh god, I wanted to throw her out the window. No she wouldn’t have thrown her daughter out the window it’s just the exhaustion and frustration speaking, you’ve reached your wit’s end and just need a moment of peace. In my experience I have found if I mentioned something that was even slightly negative about being a mother, or about the frustration I have felt with my twins some people have looked at me like I’m a horrible mother like everything should be coming up roses just because I am a mother. That I should just be thankful for what I have no questions asked. Yes I’m thankful, yes I love the Beans and wouldn’t ever want to not have the Beans in my life but that doesn’t mean that I have to love everything about motherhood.
The issue is what if someone doesn’t have their M.A. person or group they can talk to. What if a mother doesn’t have that person that will not judge them but listen to them and offer advice. That’s a mother I worry about, she’s in a lonely place and is left to hide her true feelings perhaps, left to have these thoughts roaming in her brain and just maybe manifesting themselves into something bigger.
We all need a support group. A group that supports and doesn’t judge. So if anyone is out there that doesn’t have that support group, I’m listening, you are NOT alone.