Category Archives: Me

My Sanctuary

Everyone has that special place where they can go and just be.  You can arrive at your sanctuary knowing that whatever the day(s) bring you’ll be able to handle it because you are in your safe place.  You are somewhere where everyone knows you, the real YOU. You can laugh, cry, scream or just sit in silence. You wake up in the morning and go to sleep at night with the same sense of calm.  The calmness tickles your skin, seeps into your pores and puts a feeling of euphoria over your entire being.

This nirvana like atmosphere is with you and inside you from the moment you arrive until the moment you depart.  This place is like a drug, it’s addictive, habit-forming and makes you feel so alive. You don’t understand why some people choose to never experience this, or why some people choose to leave early.

There are moments when you feel like “this is it”, this is all I need. A moment here can wash away headaches, worries, anxieties and unease.

This is a place I love , a place where being a kid is so much fun and I’m so lucky that I can share it with my Beans, the 3rd generation of sanctuary lovers.



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It’s been far too long since I’ve been here. Far too long that I’ve neglected what has been a saviour to me. I began coming here to help me find me and I’m well on my way in that search and rescue mission but feel that there is still a missing person out there. I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, I’ve ranted and raved.  I’ve bitched and moaned and hailed and applauded.  So why have I been ignoring you?  Why have I not found that few minutes a day?  Why have I not let my finger tips tickle the ivories so to speak?

Life. That is why I haven’t been accumulating my frequent flyer miles lately. Life, it’s the other four letter word. Life happens but then nothing happens.  I let LIFE happen, but because of LIFE happening, nothing happens. The life of getting up with the alarm and going through the motions of the day only to end the day no further ahead than when I started the day. Nothing really accomplished, nothing really gained, nothing really cherished, nothing of consequence lost, just nothing.

I spend so much of my time making sure that certain things get done in the way they should, when they should and how they should that I’ve ignored the other side of life.  The side filled with spontaneous fun, laughter, joy, passion and even spontaneous anger.

I was telling T last night that we just don’t have enough time anymore.  Time for the fun that used to be us, but us is now different.  We aren’t just spouses anymore, we’re parents.  Why do so many people (or is it just me) let the old ways die when the new life of parenting has entered our homes?  Sadly, our hunt for more time isn’t going to resolve itself anytime soon.  It might actually start to get worse as the Beans get older and start school, homework, sports, friends etc.  So how do I make sure I find that time? 

What do I give up to get more time? What do I change to get more time?  How can I stop that clock from racing around day in and day out without finding that precious time I and WE need so badly?

Time – I need it.

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Filed under Mayhem, Me, The Abyss, who am I


Sunday morning we woke up to an eerily quiet house.  There was no crying, babbling, screaming or pitter patter of little feet at our abode.  For the first time in 16 months T and I were in our own home together.  ALONE!  I’ve been alone in the house and T has been alone in the house, but never have we experienced this moment of bliss together.

T and I had a date night on Saturday and the Beans were shipped off to the Grandparents house overnight.  Dinner was a bit of a let down (I won’t bother telling you where we went but we did go to a very highly rated restaurant in the city that we had gone to in the past and loved but this time – not up to par).

Even with the not so fabulous dinner it was still a great night out followed by a delicious morning of sitting on the back deck, looking at the forest, listening to the birds, drinking our coffee and reading our books.  That’s right – we were able to drink our coffee in peace, read more than a paragraph at a time and just be.

We chinked our coffee cups together and said a toast to many more moments of alone time in our house!


Filed under Awesomeness, Family, Me, T

So this is what it’s like

This week in the concrete jungle (and I mean that literally, just look at pictures of the 3m high fence in downtown Toronto), T and I have mixed it up a bit.  T is working from home this week and I’m coming downtown for work.  That means that T is home when I get home, T is getting dinner prepared, T is there for help during the Beans dinner, bath AND bedtime.  So for this week I am getting a small taste of what it would be like to have a husband that worked 9-5 and at just 1.5 days into the week I must say I like it – A LOT!

I know this schedule is not realistic for our lives, it is not realistic for the type of job that T has and loves, nor is it realistic with our commute from home to work.  I just want to say I’m liking this whole come home to dinner organized business and having help at the end of the day with the Beans schedules.  It’s also fun having all four of us together every night for a few hours.  Playing, laughing and enjoying the time together. 

So even though this little piece of heaven won’t last I want to thank the G20.  The negatives of this spectacle have been turned into positives for our little family, so thanks G20, I owe you one!

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Filed under Awesomeness, Family, Me, T

Sleep – what is that?

The past few nights have been rough.  We have a Bean that is not sleeping well, ergo we’re not sleeping well.  I find it amazing how I/We have become so used to the Beans sleeping through the night, so much so that when one or both of them don’t sleep through the night it feels like we’ve (especially me) rewound our lives 15 months and have newborns in the house again.

I need my sleep.  If I don’t get my sleep I become grouchy.  Grouchy might be too nice of a word for it really.  I’m a bitch with a capital B!  I’ve been like this forever and at 34 years old I doubt I’m going to change anytime soon.

I just need to find a solution to our Bean’s sleep troubles.  Any suggestions?


Filed under Beanism, Family, Mayhem, Me, The Abyss, twins

It pays to complain.

I’ve been told that I can be mean and bitchy.  I say I’m just not willing to be taken advantage of, used and abused.  I’m also not willing to pay for something that doesn’t last.  The amount of money that T and I have spent on gear, furniture, car seats and everything else under the sun for the Beans is astronomical.  And with that astronomical amount of money spent the “stuff” we bought better damn well last.

Well not all of it did and I complained.  Complained HARD.  Wrote letters, wrote emails, made phone calls and basically made myself a pain in the ass.

I complained to the manufacturer of our cribs because of the poor workmanship (stain wearing off, incomplete staining and chipping) – that company sent me a cheque that amounted to one free crib.

I complained to the manufacturer of our booster seats because of the cushion falling apart – they sent me two new booster seats.

I’ve complained to watch manufacturers, clothing manufacturers, toy manufacturers, really the list is endless.  You know what happened?  I was given either money or a replacement product FREE OF CHARGE.  Most people I talk to say they don’t have to the time to complain, I say I don’t have the time to throw money away.


Filed under Gear, Me, who am I

Exciting Stuff

For the past few months I have found a great release here.  I have never been much of a creative person ~ my creative ability resides in the kitchen.  The usual “creative” things that people do (painting, crafting, writing etc.) has never been my forte.  Until now that is.

I have enjoyed writing down my thoughts, ideas, rants and raves here.  I’m able to share the crazy, fun, happy, sad and everything in between here.  I’ve actually enjoyed it so much that I became the Newsletter Editor for the Durham Parents of Multiples.

I might actually be crazy for volunteering to do this because one thing I lack is an abundance of free time, BUT I’m jumping with excitement to put my first newsletter together.

I’ve always had a crazy dream of writing a novel one day, yes this blog and the newsletter are no where near a novel but I like to think of them as my collection of short stories.  I can always have them all prettied up and self publish them and say I’ve written a book so that when I’m old and senile I’ll feel as if I’ve accomplished something and just maybe achieved a dream of mine.

For now I’ll focus on my little collection of short stories and see where they take me.


On another note, does anyone else’s kids like to climb?  Does anyone else have near fatal heart attacks when their kids do something you wish they didn’t know how to do yet?  Mine do – ALL THE TIME.  I have no idea what the solution is to this problem – anyone have a solution for me cuz I’m all ears!

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Filed under Mayhem, Me, who am I