T and I had our date night on Saturday. The Beans cooperated for the sitter and didn’t stay awake or wake up shrieking and scare her away. A big topic of conversation at dinner, besides being pleasantly surprised at finding a really good restaurant where we live (delicious food, great service, nice ambience and a great view), was about US.
US has to be capitalized, because US has been suffering lately. Since the Beans were born T and I have gone on 2 date nights and went out to a friend’s birthday party once. So in almost 14 months, T and I have enjoyed a nice night out only 3 times. We each have gone out with friends but actually organizing a night out together hasn’t happened I don’t know why. Yes, there are logistical issues now that we have kids, it’s not just saying on Friday night that we’re going to go out on Saturday and our biggest decision was where we were going to eat. Now we have to organize things sometimes weeks in advance, secure childcare etc. It’s no longer carefree so our “US” time is no longer carefree.
Everything takes more effort now, but why have I not been putting the effort into US. I can only speak for myself because I don’t want to put words in T’s mouth but I know I haven’t put in the effort that I should have, I haven’t put in the effort that I did years ago. I can now see how families get into a rut, they become complacent, years go by, the children leave and then they look at each other and wonder who the other person is. They haven’t invested the time in their spouse, they KNEW each other but they don’t KNOW each other now.
I’ve decided and I’m sure T agrees, I don’t want to just live with someone, I don’t want to be a roommate with T. I want the passion, excitement, laughter and joy to return to our house. I have to get to work on that now, before it’s too late.
T and I were talking last night about the meaning of love (I know a very deep conversation, especially at 11pm when all I wanted to do was try to sleep). He wondered what it meant, does it mean the same thing now as it did when we first said it. Are we saying it because we have to or should say it or are we meaning it, really truly meaning it when we say it.
I know I love T differently than I did when I first said it so many moons ago. I know I say I love you in the morning when he leaves for work, love you when we go to bed at night, love you when we end phone conversations. Yes, some of those “I love you” are routine, things we say. I also know that I love T more now since the Beans were born but I also miss the love we had before the Beans were here.
Like everything in life our marriage has the ups and downs, the highs and lows, the lulls. Right now we are in a lower lull, the exhaustion and life have taken their toll on us, especially me. I’m just hoping the lull doesn’t last much longer. I want some highs back.
Filed under Family, Me, Sex, T, who am I
It’s over, the chaos, the dinners, drinks, eating, gorging – repeat! I am so glad to be back to the “normal” schedule. It was a great Christmas and New Year but man am I glad it’s over. From December 18 until January 1 we had 8 family dinners – oh man I need new pants.
But now that it’s January I’ve suddenly realized I’m going back to work in 2 months and have no one to look after the Beans – shit, where has the time gone. I have meetings with agencies today to start the ball rolling hopefully get the ball speeding along!
How do you know when you find the “right” person to look after your kids? Is it the same as finding the “right” person to marry – you just know? I need help ~ anyone???
I’m sure I’m not the only one who has a husband that thinks sex is the answer to everything but T comes up with some great reasons to have sex. Headache, backache, sore arm, toothache, cold, tired etc. really any reason is a good reason to have sex. I guess he feels he’s the magic elixir to cure all of my aches, pains and problems.
Since the Beans were born our sex life has been almost non-existent. In the beginning I would just look at him like he had grown two heads, If I or we had a spare hour, 30 minutes or hell even enough time for a quickie, sex was the last thing on my mind. I was more interested in sleep or a shower to clean off the vomit, drool and shit that had accumulated on my body since my last shower.
Now, I’m just terrified of having another child or two for that matter because if I ovulated twice and ended up with twins once who’s to say I wouldn’t ovulate twice again! I would promptly be checking into a psych ward if I was to become pregnant again. I ABSOLUTELY 100% DO NOT WANT ANYMORE CHILDREN! The Pill is out as I get migraines from it, condoms are disgusting and we all know how well the rhythm method or the old “pull-out” method works ~ so we’re left with my hubby getting the old snip snip or abstinence as the only sure-fire ways not to get pregnant again. T doesn’t want to get a vasectomy yet, he would like more kids and feels that we should wait a respectable 2 years before making that decision – I’ve already made that decision. What do we do?
I carried twins to 39 weeks & 2 days with a heart condition, gave birth to 2 healthy children had a breeze of a pregnancy (I wasn’t even put on bed rest), why take that chance, we have the “million dollar family” – why tempt fate?
In reality I don’t think I would mentally survive anymore kids – this is all my weary brain and body can handle. Besides when you wake up to these two in the morning your life is already complete, there is no need for an encore.