ONE

Happy 1st Birthday my sweet Beans, how you have changed my life.  One year ago tonight I became the Mom of two, Sebastian the snuggler and Sofie the spitfire.

We became a family of four on March 11, 2009. Your Pai and I became parents to two amazing little people.

From your first smiles to your first steps, this year has been a crazy ride.  We’ve experienced sleep deprivation together, heart breaking happiness and every emotion in between.

I hope that as the years pass you will become friends and keep each other close just as you have this past year.  You don’t like to be away from each other, you call out for your sibling when they aren’t in the same room as you.  You give each other hugs, chase each other, laugh at each other and play together.

When your Pai walks in the room you two ignore me, you only have eyes for him, it’s okay I try to not let that bug me since you see me all day.  You both love being chased and laugh hysterically when we crawl around on the floor after you.  Sofie you love to give hugs and sloppy wet kisses, Sebastian you love to cuddle and have recently found a passion for dancing.

You love going for walks and car rides.  You make us laugh with your squeals of delight.  You make our hearts melt with your love for us.  Do you know how much we love you?

 

I wish I could write a better one year birthday note, but I’m not very eloquent so I’ll settle with how I feel.

 I love you my Beans, thank you for choosing me.

Time Alone

T left on Saturday on a business trip to the other side of the world.  Before the Beans I somewhat liked this time alone, the quiet of the house, being able to watch what I wanted, the bed all to myself and having a bagel for dinner if that’s what I wanted.  Now, this time alone isn’t as fun.  T works long hours and we don’t see each other as much as I would like.  Since the Beans were born we also don’t go out as much as we would both like.  Is this what happens, your life as a couple takes a back seat to everything else?

We escaped to the cottage for a few days and spent some time with Nana and Papa, I had help with the feeding, bathing and bedtime routine which was great, I also had company.  We went on a shopping excursion and I was able to pick up the last things I needed for the Beans 1st Birthday celebration.  I was also able to take a break from my nanny search.  I have some more interviews set up for later this week but this whole search has made me exhausted – both physically and mentally.

We miss you T, come home soon.  Muitos beijinhos (many little kisses for those non-Portuguese speaking people).

Drunken Sailors & Birthday Boys

The Beans are both walking now and it’s the cutest thing.  They wobble, teeter, totter and generally look like they are walking around after a good night of clubbing.  They are so proud of themselves, you can just see the glint in their eyes, the glint that says “oh boy, a whole new world of stuff to get into has opened up, what mischief can I cause now?”

It’s also funny to see them get excited about getting somewhere and trying to get there fast, their bodies speed up but their poor little legs can’t keep up and they quickly fall face first into something.  There have been a few more tears in the past week with all the new “injuries” but they are quickly getting the hang of it.

On another note it was T’s 40th Birthday on Wednesday.  I’ve been with T for over 10 years, and he hasn’t changed a bit in those 10 years.   Yes a few more grey hairs, now we’re married and have two kids but who he is hasn’t changed.  He’s still an amazing person, a hard worker (maybe sometimes too hard), caring, loving and now he’s a father.  He’s such an amazing Dad to the kids, they “run” to him as soon as they seem him, give him hugs and kisses and climb all over him.  It’s such an amazing thing to see and to experience.  The love of your life with the loves of your life. 

Happy Birthday T from the Beans and Me! Muitos beijinhos.

Nanny Woes

Yesterday marked the beginning and the end of our Nanny’s tenure in our house.  I can not believe that we had to ask her not to come back.  I have less than 4 weeks until I go back to work and I don’t have anyone to look after the Beans.  I don’t have that “special” person.  I won’t go into the details of why we asked the Nanny not to come back but she did something that destroyed all the trust and goodwill I had in her.  We thought long and hard about our decision but I knew I could never trust her to look after the Beans again.

I told T that in my business life I might have given her a second chance but there are no second chances when it comes to the Beans.  T told me last night that in all his 40 years (Happy Birthday!), this was the hardest decision he’d ever had to make.  When you become almost attached to someone, look forward to them teaching the Beans, nurturing them, caring for them and being their primary caregiver during the week, to have all of that destroyed is heartbreaking.

Now I’m just second guessing myself.  Not second guessing the decision I made to not have the Nanny back, but second guessing my interview skills.  Did I not ask the right questions, did I not hear the right answers? 

I don’t know where to go from here.  But when I look at these two, Sofie playing peek-a-boo and Sebastian rockin’ it out with his bad self, I know there are no second bests.

Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day has never been a big deal to me.  It’s just another one of those “Hallmark” holidays.  Flowers are twice as much, cards are twice as expensive, reservations are impossible to get and the food is overpriced. 

A few years ago T and I decided that we would far rather stay at home, cook up some yummy food (we are both pretty damn good cooks if I do say so myself) and drink bubbly.

On the menu this year, oh just thinking about it is making me drool.

Cheese fondue

Tuna tartare based on my favourite tuna tartare at Jump.

Chocolate Souffle

And of course the bubbly.  My favourite might not be happening this year but a girl can dream!